The Question

What leadership style do you default to when you’re under pressure?

Years ago, as president of my student board, I pulled off what felt like a miracle: we turned a $700k deficit into a $250k surplus in under a year. But instead of celebrating, my team wanted to impeach me.

I couldn’t believe it. “I’m getting results, why can’t they see that?”

But here's the lesson I found myself learning at the young age of 23: results at all costs don’t build trust. My aggressive leadership style yielded results, but it left people bruised along the way. And what I didn’t understand then is what many leaders overlook now: if your team doesn’t feel part of the journey, the win doesn’t stick.

Think about it. Maybe you’ve hit a sales target but noticed your team is burning out. Or you’ve delivered a big project but lost two of your best people in the process. Or maybe you’ve found yourself frustrated because, despite hitting the numbers, you feel like your team resents you.

That’s the trap I fell into: equating performance with leadership. It took nearly being ousted to realize the truth: real leadership is about more than results. It’s about bringing people along.

The Research 🔍

Harvard’s Daniel Goleman, who pioneered research on emotional intelligence, found that EQ accounts for nearly 90% of the difference between star leaders and average ones at senior levels. IQ and technical skills may get you in the door, but EQ determines whether people actually want to follow you.

Goleman also identified six leadership styles: commanding, visionary, affiliative, democratic, pacesetting, and coaching. The best leaders don’t stick to one style. They adapt based on the situation, striking a balance between intensity and inclusivity, results and relationships.

What the research really shows is that leadership isn’t just an act of intelligence, but of awareness, the ability to read the room as clearly as you read the numbers.

Some Advice 💬

When you’re under pressure, it’s natural to tighten your grip. To double down on control. But that instinct usually backfires. The tighter you hold, the more your team resists.

Instead, start noticing your default style. Do you push harder? Do you micromanage? Do you withdraw? Awareness is the first step to breaking the cycle.

Because here’s the thing: knowledge without emotional intelligence is useless in leadership. People won’t remember the numbers you hit. They’ll remember whether they felt respected, trusted, and brought along.

Here’s a practical framework to shift from “results at all costs” to “results that last.”

1. Diagnose your default.
Ask yourself: When the heat’s on, what’s my reflex? Am I the pacesetter demanding speed and perfection? The coercive “just do it” leader? Or the over-helper who takes work back instead of trusting others? I want you to write it down. Awareness makes it harder to repeat on autopilot.

2. Add a counterweight.
For every default style, there’s a balancing act:

• If you go commanding, counter with transparency. Explain the “why” before you push the “what.”

• If you go pacesetter, counter with empathy. Ask what support your team needs to meet the standard.

• If you withdraw, counter with communication. Don’t vanish, lean in by sharing what you do know, what you’re trying, and asking the team’s input on what’s unclear. Staying present keeps trust intact.

Think of it like steering a car in a skid: you don’t slam the brakes; you gently steer against the pull to regain balance.

3. Give shared ownership.

Here’s where most leaders stop, but this is the unlock. Don’t just delegate tasks; delegate pieces of the outcome. Involve your team in defining what success looks like and how to achieve it.

Research shows that when people help shape the path, they commit more deeply. My favourite example is Ellen Langer’s famous lottery ticket experiment: participants who wrote down their own numbers were far less willing to sell back their ticket than those who received pre-printed ones, even though the odds of winning were identical. Why? Because ownership changes how much we value the outcome. It’s the same in leadership: when your team writes part of the “ticket” themselves, setting goals, shaping plans, or deciding priorities, they don’t just execute; they invest. Work with them to write your own lottery tickets!

4. Redefine progress.
Pressure makes us zoom in on the finish line, but sustainable leadership widens the lens. Progress isn’t just about hitting the number; it’s about whether your people would want to run with you again. After every high-pressure push, ask: Did this process strengthen trust, or weaken it? That’s equally part of any leader's scoreboard.

Parting Thoughts 💭

The irony is that the more you chase results at all costs, the more fragile those results become. People burn out. Talent walks. Trust erodes.

Sustainable success requires both the what (results) and the how (relationships). And when you get that balance right, you don’t just cross the finish line, you make sure people want to run the next race with you.

So next time the pressure’s on, ask yourself: Am I forcing the result, or am I creating a rhythm my whole team wants to row to?

That’s the difference between a temporary win and a lasting legacy.

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